Fierce Self-Compassion, Mindfulness and the #MeToo Movement

As a mindfulness teacher, I am thinking about what it means to be mindful through sexual harassment or an assault.

Because Me Too.

I was sexually assaulted recently and I am experiencing it through a new lens. Before when it happened, it wasn’t as welcome to speak out about. There was not a lot of support, besides in the moment with hopefully a supportive friend to back you up. But what do you do with the aftermath? The feelings after the shock and then the rage. That feeling of being alone with something big.

Is this even something mindfulness has a place in? I think it might. And it helps that I have therapist friends too.

I am realizing this assault is bringing up some past emotions and I think I am even more upset this time because I believe this person should have known better-considering everything that’s been in the media. Or he did know and he did it anyway. My expectations are higher than what I experienced, that’s for sure.

So I consider RAIN: Recognizing, Allowing, Investigating, Nurturing (Tara Brach). Mainly, I am recognizing and allowing what is happening within, in the present moment.

And I am amazed that I still feel the embarrassment. Even after all my support of Dr. Blasey Ford and the MeToo Movement - a sense of shame that this happened and that I feel bad about it. I feel fear it will seem like I’m a buzzkill or that people who don’t know how to respond will walk on eggshells around me or act differently with me.

I am angry that I was touched without giving any hint or sign that I wanted to be.

And yet, if I am to really feel into the humanity of this - I don’t hate this person.

I am more angry that he has been led to believe this is okay. To think to make this outright assault of a person. Uninhibited, this is what he does. It’s so sad. And I am astounded by his response as much as I can empathize that defensiveness and excuses were the go-to in such a confrontation. “I am drunk.”

It took me a moment to realize what had just happened and catch my breath. Then, when I locked eyes with my husband, I remembered who I was. When I saw how angered and fired up he was getting as I told him about it, I was completely back in my body - and it was clamoring to have a say. My partner standing up for me was beautiful, and yet, I knew it wasn’t going to be enough.

Fierce compassion (Kristen Neff). Ab-so-lutely. Compassion for myself. Compassion for anyone else that he could do that to. No.

I faced this man and let it flow out of me. I released and claimed my worth in my not-holding-back. I saw the child in him - just as equally, I felt the child in me. It felt amazing and appropriate to respond in this way. To honor my inner child and the primal instinct to protect myself.

Deep breath.

Calling all peacekeepers -

If we define mindfulness as paying attention to the present moment, with nonjudgement - mindfulness certainly has a place in the MeToo Movement, in sexual harassment and assault.

Mindfulness allows us to see the assault for what it is and respond without getting trapped by fear or going too far in violence.

Being mindful in the aftermath is welcoming and processing whatever is arising with a curious, kind approach. It enables us to recognize the often self-deprecating stories and choose to lift up the self-compassionate truth, grateful when there is loyalty and support, and to empathize that speaking out is not easy and it’s an important step to continue to turn the tide.